A Grief Moment In Time

 

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Once in awhile I am briefly pulled down in to a dark moment in time that leaves me hanging by a thread. Maybe the sudden loss of my oldest brother last month, or the upcoming holidays or even learning that a dear friend needs surgery has had much to do with my latest anxiety. A big loss on top of a big loss. Now two empty chairs at Thanksgiving dinner. Waiting on a pathology report. Oh, the many ups and downs of grief can be frustrating. Just when I thought I had stabilized like a perfectly whipped cream I am deflated.

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For the most part, the demands of every day living have allowed my grief to settle down. I certainly no longer mourn 24/7. Having a taste of normal only makes the resurgence of grief more intense and thought provoking. What the hell? Grief can flare even years later. Lesson learned. Be strong. Hang on to that thread and pull yourself up.

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Turns out that thread is my heart-string. It’s always there, it’s ever strong and no amount of grief can ever cut me loose. That invisible thread is attached to everyone I love, both living and dead. It took a simple children’s book to remind me of that.

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If you have never read the book, The Invisible String written by Patrice Karst and illustrated by Geoff Stevenson you should. “Written to calm a child’s fear of being apart from the ones they love” this book is just as appropriate for adults. It reminds us that we are never alone and always connected and bound by the power of love. Where does your string go?

TGIF Sweet Reflections

Smokin' Chocolate Spice Cookie

Smokin’ Spice Dark Chocolate Cookie

It’s Friday and I am happy that my husband returned home safely after 2 weeks away in North Carolina caring for his dad. My husband is a good guy. It is the first time in probably 35 years that we were apart for this long. On my own, lots of refection took place and I liked what I saw. Certainly not the scare-d-cat I thought I was nor was I weak during another wicked snow storm.  Most impressive, I single handedly took care of a winter flood in the basement. Me and a caulk gun, cussing like a sailor–kind of bad-ass!

Being alone in the grief process, however, is another thing. There is less distraction and that black hole calls your name. It is a blessing to have someone around or someone to call when the sadness grips you by the throat. While my better half grieves completely different  without him I would never be able to be alone in my heart and mind. His strength is mine and mine is his.

cheers in Charleston

cheers in Charleston

It’s Friday and we do enjoy a little 5:00 somewhere. It’s a time to sit back, relax, and reflect on all the good in life. Like you folks who read this blog. Your support means the world to me. To show my gratitude I want to let you in on a little secret—drink some red wine with your dark chocolate–that’s a match made in heaven.

Smokin' Spice Dark Chocolate Cookies

  • Servings: 30 cookies
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1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon each ground cinnamon, ground cloves, grated nutmeg and salt

1/2 cup unsalted butter

1/2 cup sugar

1 egg

2 tablespoons fresh orange juice plus 1 teaspoon grated zest

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

½ cup semisweet chocolate chips (go for the Ghiradelli double chocolate bittersweet)

2 tablespoons heavy cream

2 teaspoons corn syrup

30 whole smoked almonds or ½ cup chopped nuts

Heat oven 350F. In mixing bowl, sift flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, spices and salt; set aside. In bowl of stand mixer, using the paddle attachment, cream butter and sugar until light. Add egg, orange juice, zest and vanilla; blend well. Add dry ingredients; mix well. Using a cookie scoop, drop batter on to ungreased baking sheets. Bake 10 minutes. Cool on pan 1 minute before transferring cooking to rack to cool completely. In microwave or on stovetop, melt chocolate chips with heavy cream, stirring, until smooth; stir in corn syrup. Spread chocolate mixture over tops of cookies. Top each cookie with a whole almond or sprinkle with chopped nuts.