Tough Question & Easter Muffins

muffinsIt’s a common question and one that bereaved parents fear. How many children do you have? Pretty normal conversation in most social situations, but no easy answer if you are the one who has lost a child. How does one respond when someone asks, “how many children do you have?” How does one communicate about the loss of a child? How much information does one share and with who? Do I tell my story or strip it down?

"I have a daughter and a son"

“I have a daughter and a son”

When we moved to our new neighborhood I wasn’t prepared for this distressing question. Totally caught off guard, it hit me like a ton of bricks triggering tears and then apologies. It forced me to confront William’s death. It brought an upsurge in my grief. I felt embarrassed in front of new acquaintances and I felt sorry for the people who asked. As much as I wanted my privacy it felt wrong not to tell them about William. I needed to validate him no matter how painful the conversation.100_1937

With time the tough questions get easier to handle. I am prepared and comfortable with the answer, “I have a daughter and a son”. If I don’t want to share anything more I quickly change the topic. It works for me. How do you answer the tough question?

I highly recommend these no-fade baking cups

I highly recommend these no-fade baking cups

When it comes to baking I always have a lot of questions. Baking is a science after all. For instance, what the heck is white whole wheat flour? I have been baking with it for years, but never gave it much thought until creating this muffin recipe. Is it really whole grain flour or a refined mix of some kind? Turns out it is a whole grain flour made from white wheat as opposed to red wheat. It is simply lighter in color, milder in flavor and softer in texture. All of the good nutrition that one comes to expect from whole grains is in there. None of it has been stripped away.

white whole wheat flour

white whole wheat flour

Your Easter bunnies will love these muffins filled with dried fruits, carrots, coconut and whole grains. They are best served warm. If you don’t eat them all on day 1 then just refresh them with a 15 second nuke in the microwave.muffins

Be Fruitful Whole Grain Muffins

1-cup all-purpose flour

½ cup white whole wheat flour

1-cup coconut sugar (or brown sugar)

¾ cup flax seed meal

½ cup unsweetened shredded coconut

2 teaspoons cinnamon

2 teaspoons baking soda

1-teaspoon baking powder

½ teaspoon salt

1 cup shredded carrots

1 cup chopped dried apples

½ cup golden raisins or chopped apricots

¾ cup milk

2 eggs

1-teaspoon coconut extract

Heat oven 350F. Line 18 muffin cups with paper liners. In large bowl, whisk flours, coconut sugar, flax seed meal, coconut, cinnamon, baking soda, baking powder and salt, until blended. Toss in carrots, apples and raisins or apricots. In another bowl, whisk milk, eggs and coconut extract; add to dry ingredients and mix just until dry ingredients are moistened. Don’t over mix. Divide batter evenly among prepared muffin cups (about 2/3 full). Bake 15 to 18 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean.

6 thoughts on “Tough Question & Easter Muffins

  1. Somehow your posts always seem so timely. I never realized how often the number of children I have came up in casual conversation until Aidan died. Even at the checkout counter, casual banter over a purchase can come back to family. I always say three.
    Last night our home was the picture spot for my daughter’s semi formal. Although much of our community knows about Aidan, I think some of the boy’s parents may not have known that it was actually “us” that had experienced this tragedy. One mom looked at a beautiful photo the lacrosse community gave us and exclaimed “you have a lacrosse player!” I simply answered “yes I do” because I always will.

  2. Love your response and similar thoughts on the subject. Yes, I never realized how much we all talk about our children just about every where we go.

  3. I lost our son after carrying him for 9mos. He died 6 days after birth. Till this day, when people ask how many children I have – I get chocked up. No one really knows how it hurts. They can’t even imagine!

  4. Fran, I am so sorry. I had no idea you had lost your son. You validate the idea that the pain never gets old—you feel it like the day it happened. Your child is always a part of you and when they die it is like losing a piece of yourself. ((HUGS))

  5. I’m behind on commenting but wanted to echo what others have said. Your replies are perfect and you can choose to share that you have a son and daughter or add details as you are comfortable. When I am asked, my normal response is “I have a daughter XXX, who is (age) and a son XXX, who would be (age) but was killed when he was 18.” I always say my sons age now and when he died. I think each of us has to do it in our own way and we can change it depending on the circumstances. I appreciate the things you write about!

    • Thanks, Barb for sharing your story with me and my readers. I think it is so very important for all to share our unique ideas and thoughts and bond together. It makes me feel stronger to know I am not the only one trying to figure these things out.

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