Transforming Yourself & Cornbread

cornbread turkey pot pie

cornbread turkey pot pie

The sadness of losing my child sends me to a quiet place. It’s dark and uncomfortable. Everything I ever believed in and held dear has collapsed. The pain is unbearable and I shut down. Stillness is needed. It brings to mind childhood memories of the little old Italian ladies dressed in black. A symbol of their sadness, they literally wore their hearts on their sleeves. As I remember, these women refrained from socializing for a whole year “out of respect” for the dead. It’s possible that what they were really doing was re-inventing themselves in that quiet place.

Cole and William fishing Lake Elise

Cole and William fishing Lake Elise

Who am I? Why am I hear? What is the meaning of all of this? That lonely darkness forces the soul to ask questions and search for light; to find a spark. Honoring the pain, accepting the grief, openly mourning and challenging everything you have ever believed leads to healing and emergence. It is in that necessary quiet place that you have spiritually re-grouped. There is no doubt that you can live and you can love. You have been transformed.

Best cousins

Best cousins

I have always loved these photos of William and my nephew, Cole. Cole is also my godchild and I can’t help but think of William when I look at him. Cole is smart and thoughtful and loving much like his older cousin. He also bakes the best cornbread on earth. It is a must at Thanksgiving dinner and Cole is happy to oblige his old auntie. This year he made a double batch, so I had some leftover. Crumbled and mixed with some shredded cheese it made the perfect topping completely transforming the usual leftover turkey pot pie into something more special and satisfying.

Cole's Corn Bread

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
2/3 cup sugar
1/2 cup corn meal
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 cups milk
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/3 cup vegetable oil
3 tablespoons butter, melted
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Grease an 8-inch baking pan.
Combine flour, sugar, cornmeal, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl.  Combine milk, eggs, vegetable oil and butter in a small bowl; mix well.  Add to flour mixture; stir until just blended.  Pour into prepared pan. BAKE for 35 minutes or until wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

18 thoughts on “Transforming Yourself & Cornbread

  1. Cole is honored to be in your blog this week. Thanks for making his cornbread famous!

  2. I am in that place now, but it is comfortable in its own way. Maybe because I am alone and don’t have to “Buck-up” and pretend to be normal. I will try your cornbread. Comfort food is good for the soul. Carol

    • Thank you for your kind and calming thoughts, Carol…that bucking-up is really rough sometimes–especially with people who don’t know the story…p.s. I hope you will continue to share your journey here–we can all learn from you

  3. Your post gives me hope that there is a glimmer of hope that somehow, even though I can’t imagine it, I will survive this nightmare. Thanksgiving weekend was a feeling of being alone while surrounded by 30 well meaning people, but I cooked. Wish I had the idea about the stuffing crust for the pot pie earlier. Next time.
    Thank you again for your wise words.

    • Krista…you are stronger than you think. You do it for your son. He loved you so much and wants you to be able to feel joy…it will happen…look for signs of Aiden. He is all around you. When someone dies as I say “before their time” they never leave.

  4. Your blog posts really move me, Lisa. Sending you prayers and hugs, and by the way, the cornbread sounds wonderful! I copied the recipe to try soon. ❤

    • Wish you took some, too. Just finished everything up last night! Great seeing you yesterday. I hope you had fun.

  5. You have a way of simply and succinctly sharing what life is like after losing a child. I can relate to so much of what you say. You don’t waste or mince words, and the result is really beautiful.

    • Thank you, Jennyfromtheblock. Please feel free to post more of your story here or share one of your own blog posts. I would love to know more about the boy who wore flannel.

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